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25 Things You Have to Do Before You're Officially a St. Louisan

By Riverfront Times Staff on Tue, Jan 12, 2016 at 4:48 pm

So, you say you're a St. Louisan? Not so fast, transplant -- here are the 25 rites of passage you must go through before you assume that precious title. And here you thought going up the Arch would make you a local.

01/12/2016

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Down an entire Fitz's root beer float. All three scoops.
Photo courtesy of Flickr / Missouri Division of Tourism

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Voluntarily sweat your ass off for the sake of the arts at the Muny.
Photo courtesy of Flickr / Melissa

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Help perpetuate the myth that thin crust pizza is better than the obviously superior styles enjoyed literally everywhere else.
Photo courtesy of Flickr / Liza Lagman Sperl

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Bleed Cardinal red at Busch Stadium. Ideally while wearing any piece of Cardinal memorabilia that was a crappy gas station/local restaurant giveaway.
Photo courtesy of Flickr / Nekonomist

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Attempt a back flip in honor of Ozzie Smith, with disastrous results.
Photo courtesy of Flickr / Ben Lei

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Creep on a wedding at the Missouri Botanical Garden.
Photo courtesy of Flickr / Mike Liu

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Be a cheapskate at our free zoo and museums -- then complain when you go on vacation and the same freebies aren't on offer in other cities.
Photo courtesy of Flickr / Christina VanMeter

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Set out on a paddle boat in Forest Park. Regret it when your legs start to throb and the Grand Basin is forever away.
Photo courtesy of Flickr / Steve Krave

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Survive a trip to Ted Drewes...in the heat of summer. Hey look guys, my concrete still doesn't fall out when turned upside down!
Photo courtesy of Flickr / Missouri Division of Tourism

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Give someone directions that involve a street that no longer exists, because everyone around here knows where it was and what it's called now.
Photo courtesy of Flickr / Paul Sableman

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Come up with a fake high school to answer the inevitable questions.
Photo by the Riverfront Times.

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Stand in a ridiculously long line to get some of the city's best BBQ.
Photo courtesy of Flickr / Patrick Giblin

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Scream "Let's go Blues!" until your voice goes hoarse.
Photo courtesy of Flickr / Dave Herholz

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Accidentally drive to Illinois when you were really just trying to take out-of-towners to see the Arch.
Photo courtesy of Flickr / Craig Moe

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Use Stan Kroenke's name in vain on a regular basis.
Photo courtesy of GoFundMe.

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Brave the crowd at Mardi Gras in Soulard. Don't forget to boast to out-of-town friends that we have the second largest Mardi Gras celebration in the US.
Photo by Abby Gillardi.

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Call a taxi that never actually comes.
Photo courtesy of Flickr / Brendan Riley

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Consume as much beer as you can and pose with a Clydesdale at Budweiser Brewery. Some may call it touristy, but come on. Free beer samples.
Photo courtesy of Flickr / Sunburst 68

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Make "toasted ravs" and "gooey butter cake" a regular part of your culinary vocabulary.
Photo courtesy of Flickr / Eugene Kim

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Drive to Schnucks as soon as it starts snowing to buy a gallon of milk, a dozen eggs and a loaf of bread. Don’t let the picture fool you; that parking lot will be swarming.
Photo courtesy of Flickr / Mike Kalasnik

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25 Things You Have to Do Before You're Officially a St. Louisan

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