10 Ways to Deal With This Shitshow of a Super Bowl

Watch a different big screen

Movie theatres are usually empty on Super Bowl sunday, so you can practically have the place to yourself. Losing yourself in a film is the best escape from sports silliness.

Photo credit: Drew Stephens / Flickr

Pee on Stan Kroenke's stupid face

The sports bar chain is launching a Super Bowl promotion at all nine of its Missouri locations dubbed "Slam the Rams." It offers patrons a dollar off Bud and Bud Light pitchers for each touchdown scored by the Patriots on Super Bowl Sunday — as well as, yes, urinal screens and dart board targets featuring Kroenke's mustachioed mug.

Find out more here.

Photo credit: via Hotshots

Watch a different big screen

Movie theatres are usually empty on Super Bowl sunday, so you can practically have the place to yourself. Losing yourself in a film is the best escape from sports silliness.

Photo credit: Sarah Lou / Flickr

Eat your feelings

Maybe you feel like you just have to watch the stupid game, even though you don't want to at all. That's cool; just eat your feelings while you do it. We recommend stuffing your face with this "KROENKE SUCKS" pretzel.

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Photo credit: stu_spivack / Flickr

Get sloshed in the Anheuser-Bush Biergarten

Commiserate with your fellow St. Louisans and get fat on tailgate food together at A-B's biergarten. It will be like group therapy.

Find out more here.

Photo credit: Paul Sableman

Enjoy the great outdoors

From urban parks to stunning bluffs, the St. Louis area is home to tons of lovely spaces to pack a picnic, grab a date or just chill for some much deserved alone time. Even better? No TV anywhere near, so no Super Bowl.

Find out more here.

Photo credit: Steve Truesdell

Ballpark Village it up

Ballpark Village: It's not just for bonding with fellow Cardinals fans. You can also watch the Super Bowl there on their big-ass TV and hate the whole thing along with everybody else.

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Photo credit: Paul Sableman

Go on a hike

Exercise is a great way to work out your anger over this entire engagement. Go sweat it out thinking about how Kroenke screwed over your great city. Find some great spots here.

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Photo credit: Kathy Schrenk

See some real human accomplishments

Artist Kehinde Wiley leapt into the public consciousness when his presidential portrait of Barack Obama was unveiled, but he’s been making vital work that explores the nexus of race and representation for years. From now though February 10, the St. Louis Art Museum (1 Fine Arts Dr.; 314-731-0072) presents Kehinde Wiley: Saint Louis, an exhibition of eleven of large-scale paintings of everyday black St. Louisans, dressed in modern clothing yet posed in the manner of portraits of kings, statesman and other powerful figures.

Find out more here.

Photo credit: Jenna Wortham / Flickr

Drink it away

Believe it or not, you can actually escape the Super Bowl at many St. Louis bars -- as long as that bar doesn't have a TV. Check out this collection of bars that don't have TVs and/or don't give one crap about the Super Bowl.

Find out more here.

Photo credit: Mabel Suen

Watch the Superb Owl

Super Bowls are stupid. Superb Owls are where it's at. You can go see them (and tons of their superb feathered cousins) at the World Bird Sanctuary (125 Bald Eagle Ridge Rd., Valley Park; 636-225-4390). This 300-acre reserve for threatened birds will show you a slice of real life and you'll forget all about billionaire sports franchises.

Find out more here.

Photo credit: Rick Mester / Flickr