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15 Reasons Winter Sucks in St. Louis

By Riverfront Times Staff on Thu, Jan 4, 2018 at 5:10 pm

St. Louis is not Chicago, and thank goodness for that. But while our winters may not entail a foot or two of snow, they suck nonetheless. Why? Well, glad you asked. We've mapped out the things that are oh-so-awful about winter in the Gateway City, from trucks that don't know how to plow to ridiculously annoying meteorologists. Got other complaints about winter in St. Louis? Sound off in the comments.

St. Louis is not Chicago, and thank goodness for that. But while our winters may not entail a foot or two of snow, they suck nonetheless. Why? Well, glad you asked. We've mapped out the things that are oh-so-awful about winter in the Gateway City, from trucks that don't know how to plow to ridiculously annoying meteorologists.

Got other complaints about winter in St. Louis? Sound off in the comments.

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No one in St. Louis can drive in the snow.

That 20-minute commute you brag about to your friends back east turns into two hours as everyone inches along .... and there's only a dusting of snow on the ground. To those who've moved here from northern states, you have every right to make fun of us. Photo courtesy of Flickr / Paul Sableman.

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The city sucks at snow removal.

And yes, this is one reason our drivers seem even worse than they are. If Boston and Cleveland and Chicago can transport feet of snow, how is it that we can't handle moving a few lousy inches without the whole city shutting down? Photo courtesy of Flickr / Paul Sableman.

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St. Louis' gorgeous old houses don't fare well in subzero temps.

Got one of those Lafayette Square beauties? Prepare to spend a fortune to heat it when the weather is unseasonable -- and shudder every time the cold wind whips through the cracks. Photo courtesy of Flickr / dustinphillips.

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Bars and restaurants get woefully empty while everyone hunkers down.

Where is everyone? Home by the fire -- and that makes our favorite spots incredibly lonely! Photo by Joseph Hess.

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That nice weather outside? It's just a cruel joke.

Oh, it’s suddenly 65 degrees in the middle of January. So you think that means spring has come early? WRONG. It’s just a tease before the thermometer hits 10 degrees again. Photo courtesy of Flickr / Paul Sableman.

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St. Louisans are lazy about shoveling sidewalks.

When it snows in more wintry cities, everyone gets the block in front of their house before leaving for work. St. Louis? People just let it build for days. Prepare to slip and slide and get piles of snow in your boots. Thanks, neighbors. Photo courtesy of Flickr / Patrick Buechner.

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St. Louis lacks the cred enjoyed by famously cold cities in the Midwest.

Nobody in Minneapolis is saying, "Well at least you're not in St. Louis. They don't have snow, but it's nippy as fuck donchaknow." Our pain may be real to us, but it's a joke to them. Photo courtesy of Flickr / katie wheeler.

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Our meteorologists suddenly kick the melodramatics up a notch.

“OMIGOD THERE IS AN INCH OF SNOW MAYBE COMING, HERE’S HOW TO SURVIVE THE APOCALYPSE” - A St. Louis meteorologist, probably. Photo courtesy of Flickr / Clint Rutkas.

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It's too cold to enjoy Ted Drewes like a civilized person.

Welp, there goes one of our major food groups. Photo courtesy of Flickr / WordOfMouth.

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It's too cold for grabbing that second -- or even a first -- cigarette outside, so a bunch of people are irritated.

But at least they're somewhat healthier? Photo courtesy of Flickr / Fried Dough.

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It's so cold that everyone walks with their head down, robbing us of the joy of seeing the Arch.

If no one is saying, "Oh hey that is the Arch," are you really in St. Louis? Photo courtesy of Flickr / Randy Nichols.

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Instead of baseball, our civic pasttime becomes "Is this fucker with the fogged-out rear window trying to turning left OH FUCK HE IS AND IT IS ON!"

Seriously, how to drive, St. Louis. Photo courtesy of Flickr / Dave Hudson.

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It can get dangerous out there.

If you thought the cops were slow to respond on a warm night, just wait until it's 12 below. Photo courtesy of Flickr / Paul Sableman.

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We’re all raising our kids to be wimps.

Oh, there’s an inch of snow outside? Take cover, it’s time to cancel school! (Hey, at least it means sledding on Art Hill.) Photo courtesy of Flickr / henskechristine.

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Winter in St. Louis reminds us how old our infrastructure and water pipes are.

One of these winters we'll go full Roanoke Colony and just disappear, leaving a tragic mystery for later generations. Farewell, world -- it was nice knowing you! Photo courtesy of Flickr / Paul Sableman.

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