20 Free Things to Do in St. Lou That Go Beyond the Zoo

Tour the Anheuser-Busch Brewery

Let’s face it: You’re from St. Louis, which means, odds are, you are both a drunk and extremely cheap. It's not your fault: You grew up in the shadow of a brewery in a town where the cost of living is pennies on the dollar compared to more expensive locales. Why not stop by that glorious Anheuser-Busch Brewery (1200 Lynch Street, 314-577-2626) and see how your suds are made? Admission is free, and you even get to drink some no-cost beer when all is said and done. Pro tip: If you are already obnoxiously drunk enough at the tour’s outset, there is a good chance the poor unfortunate employee leading the tour will ask if you would like to just skip ahead to the free booze in an effort to be rid of you. Go ahead and take her up on it — you’re here to drink, not learn.

Photo courtesy of Philip Leara / Flickr

Kick Over Some Kid’s Arch at the Science Center

Of course, another crown jewel attraction is the Saint Louis Science Center (5050 Oakland Avenue, 314-289-4400), a place of STEM education and studious observation. Sure, you could head to the Life Science Lab and learn about microbiology, or you could pop into the Makerspace and test your engineering abilities. But as all St. Louisans know, there is one place in this building where the real, lasting lessons are taught. We’re referring, of course, to the Structures exhibit — specifically the Icons and Monuments area, where you can build your own Gateway Arch out of foam blocks. Or, to put it more precisely, you can teach some befuddled kid a thing or two about just how far a grown-up can punt a foam block across a place of learning. Make sure no parents or employees see you or it’s your ass.

Photo courtesy of David Wilson / Flickr

Get Wet at Citygarden

Climate-wise, spending a summer in St. Louis is roughly equivalent to living within a weightlifter’s sweaty armpit. Air-conditioning bills skyrocket in June, July and August, and who can afford that? This year, beat the heat by lying down in one of the fountains at Citygarden (801 Market Street, 314-241-3337) for several hours. Sure, there will be confused children and families, but you’ll be so comfortable — finally, mercifully — that you won’t even care. Note: This publication does not recommend that you carefully line up and sit your ass directly onto one of the jets. We cannot stress that enough, you pervert. It’s just not right. Ah, whatever, what the hell, go ahead.

Photo courtesy of Mitch Bennett / Flickr

Wander Around in the Middle of the Street

What if you could wander around in the street without getting hit by cars all the time? Broken limbs get old quickly, after all. Now you finally have a reprieve, thanks to STL Open Streets (tlopenstreets.com), an organization that aims to kick cars out of the equation altogether, if only for a day. Originally launched as Ciclovia in Bogota, Columbia, in 1974, Open Streets is intended to bring neighbors closer together by opening up the roads to foot traffic and activities including yoga, dancing, hopscotch and games in what amounts to a great big block party. Best of all, as we all know about street festivals and block parties, the event is completely free. On June 2, Compton Avenue will be closed to vehicles from Meramec Street to Cherokee for Open Streets, and organizers hope to expand to more neighborhoods as the event catches on.

Photo courtesy of Brian O'Shaughnessy

Smuggle Liquor Into the Muny

Just because you are a shameless drunk, that doesn’t mean you’re not also a high-minded sophisticate. And so it’s time to get a little culture — and what better place than the Muny (1 Theatre Drive, 314-361-1900) to accomplish that? Billed as America's oldest and largest outdoor musical theater, the Muny regularly provides roughly 1,500 free seats in the amphitheater's last nine rows on a first-come, first-served basis. Spice up your evening of culture by smuggling in some liquor — a simple Ziploc bag filled and shoved down the pants will do, though if you have a budget for better supplies you might try one of those hollow sets of fake binoculars. Now in its 100th season, this year the Muny offers the likes of The Wiz, Singin' in the Rain, Annie and, naturally, Meet Me in St. Louis. As with all musicals, each and every one of those shows benefits from a less-than-sober mindset in its audience. You’ll be way ahead of the game.

Photo courtesy of Chris Collins / Flickr

See the St. Louis Symphony Orchestra for Nothing

Speaking of culture, did you know that St. Louis has one of the finest symphony orchestras in the country? It’s true — but even though these musicians are of the world-class variety, you don’t necessarily have to pay out the nose to see them perform. In fact, in addition to headlining this year's Fair St. Louis, the St. Louis Symphony Orchestra hosts several Community Concerts each year that are altogether free of charge. On May 23, for instance, you can catch several of the symphony's musicians at the International Institute (3401 Arsenal Street, 314-773-9090) for Music Without Boundaries, a celebration of world music including sounds from Somalia, Syria, Bosnia, Congo, Cuba and more. The SLSO regularly adds new free shows throughout its season; check back at slso.org/en/com/community_concerts for more opportunities to class it up without breaking the bank.

Photo courtesy of St. Louis Counry Library / Flickr

Visit the New Arch Grounds, Don’t Ride in the Arch

One of the most St. Louis things a person can do is look at the Arch, think about riding up it in one of those claustrophobic egg-shaped trams, and then decide, “Nah, I’m good.” Now, with the stunning $380 million renovations to the surrounding Jefferson National Expansion Memorial — recently re-dubbed the Gateway Arch National Park (11 North 4th Street), in a classic case of “Why didn’t we do that sooner?”) — you can stroll right up to that big beautiful horseshoe from downtown in an unprecedented way before scratching your chin, setting your jaw and announcing, “Nah, hard pass.” Though the new grounds are open for business, the museum at the Arch isn’t set to re-open until July 3, so you’ll have to wait until then to head down there, learn about St. Louis’ history, and then loudly proclaim that there’s no way in hell you’re going up in that damn terrifying elevator ever again, sorry.

Photo courtesy of Adam Jones / Flickr

Attend Fair St. Louis at the New Arch Grounds

For the past four years, America’s Biggest Birthday Party has taken place in Forest Park, which is cool and all, but it isn't the event's real home. That would be at the foot of the Arch, where the giant July 4 celebration was held every year since 1981 before construction on the grounds saw it temporarily relocated. This year Fair St. Louis brings Jason Derulo, Martina McBride and the St. Louis Symphony for a three-day party (July 4, 6 and 7) to help us celebrate America. Though the event’s temporary home was fun — and even brought record crowds — there’s just something special about taking in live music in the shadow of our city’s most recognizable symbol. What could be more St. Louis than that?

Photo courtesy of Jefferson National Expansion Memorial / Flickr

See Some Blues at the Arch

Let us answer our previous question: If that music was the blues — that’s what would make a music at the Arch more St. Louis. Our city’s blues bona fides are beyond reproach. If the rich and storied history of St. Louis’ many contributions to the genre aren’t enough to convince you, the fact that we’re home to the National Blues Museum should. And the museum is constantly reminding St. Louis of its place in blues history as well, including with the Blues at the Arch series. Now in its third year, Blues at the Arch brings well-known blues artists from all over the map to perform with that glorious gleaming piece of stainless steel as a backdrop each Friday in August. This year’s performers include such heavyweights as Marquise Knox and Dexter Allen (see bluesatthearch.com for more details). You’ll definitely want to find yourself singing the blues at the foot of the Arch this summer.

Photo courtesy of press photo

See the Clydesdales in Person, Try to Steal One

The Budweiser Clydesdales are some of the most famous horses on all of television, and they live right here in St. Louis! If you’ve ever wanted to meet a giant celebrity horse in person — and obviously you have, as a good St. Louisan — look no further than Grant’s Farm (10501 Gravois Road, 314-577-2626), where in addition to serving free beer to every guest (yes, really), your gracious Busch family hosts train up more than 50 Clydesdales ranging in age from six months to fifteen years old to sell beer to the masses. If no one is looking, you might consider climbing up onto one of them and kicking your spurs into its sides. The cool thing about stealing a horse is that if you do it successfully, you already have a built-in getaway vehicle. And what could be better than a free horse?

Photo courtesy of Kim / Flickr

Attend the Great Forest Park Balloon Race, Try to Steal One Too

.... A free hot-air balloon, that’s what. This is a conveyance that moves up and down as well as back and forth or side to side, opening up your escape plan options considerably. And at the Great Forest Park Balloon Race (Wells Drive, 314-993-2901), to be held this year on September 14 and 15, you’ll have dozens of brightly colored airborne chariots to choose from. Plan accordingly, though: It’s gonna be difficult to convince your new horse that flying is a good idea.

Photo courtesy of Dave Herholz / Flickr

Watch Some Live Music in the Park

St. Louis' Twilight Tuesdays Concert Series only barely qualifies as a summer affair — the May 29 show is the last one on the books this year — but considering its wild popularity, we'd be remiss to not mention it. Held on the front lawn of the Missouri History Museum (5700 Lindell Boulevard, 314-746-4599), the series brings food trucks and musicians to scenic Forest Park at a price that every St. Louisan can enjoy: free. And there's an extra-special reason to highlight May 29's event: The performer on that evening is local singer Taynka, tackling the music of no less than Queen Bey herself. Sure, it's not the real Beyonce, but who could afford that?

Photo courtesy of Missouri History Museum

Attend Free Family Night at the Magic House

The Magic House (516 South Kirkwood Road, Kirkwood; 314-822-8900) is a St. Louis institution, beloved by children of all ages. But $11 for admission? For that much money you could buy two Ted Drewes concretes and half of a medium one-topping from Imo’s, or like five Stag beers from your local dive bar of choice. Save that money for those more important purchases by attending Free Family Night. Every third Friday of the month from 5:30 to 9 p.m. the Magic House allows families of up to two adults and four children to stroll into the place at no charge. It’s a deal good enough to blow your hair back — or wait, was that just that weird ball of electricity everyone gets pictures with?

Photo courtesy of Greg Nelson / Flickr

Participate in Make Music Day

Founded in 1982 in France as the Fête de la Musique, Make Music Day has since spread to more than 700 cities and countries — including St. Louis. Now in its third year, the celebration of music is as free as free can be, which means it is a St. Louisan's dream. The rules are simple: On June 21, anyone who is capable of playing music is encouraged to do so; likewise, anywhere that is capable of hosting music should do so as well. Past years have seen musicians set up on porches, patios, storefronts and streets to get in on the fun. Participating artists and venues have not yet been announced — visit makemusicstl.org for more info or to sign up as a volunteer, venue or musician. Regardless of the details, one thing about this event is for sure: The price is right.

Photo courtesy of Thomas Whitener

Visit the Graffiti Flood Wall

St. Louis is well-known for its free art museum, showcasing some of the finest artists in the country. No, not that one — that one is fine too, but we’re referring, of course, to the Graffiti Flood Wall (Chouteau Avenue and South Leonor K Sullivan Boulevard). Located down by the riverfront near the Arch grounds, the flood wall has been a destination for years for some of the most talented graffiti artists in the country, thanks to St. Louis’ annual Paint Louis event, a legal, city-sanctioned affair. Head on down and take it all in, or if you really want to spice up your life, bring a can of spray paint and write “TOY” real big across the murals. Just be aware that someone is definitely going to kill you for that.

Photo courtesy of DukeNewport Photography / Flickr

Make a Bunch of Noise at the Library

The library, that holy bastion of free books, free movies, free CDs — paradise for the thrifty St. Louisan, truly — has upped the ante in recent years with another freebie that you may not have expected: free live music. Sure, the library might seem like an odd place for amplified instruments, what with the cliche of shushing librarians and all, but the Central Branch of St. Louis Public Library (1301 Olive Street, 314-241-2288) flips that notion on its head with the Not So Quiet! Series. Held on the third Thursday of every month, the series brings some of St. Louis’ best artists to a normally hushed room and encourages them to make a racket. This year's lineup sees performances by Kansas tribute band Portrait, Pink Floyd tribute band Red White & Floyd, Charles "Skeet" Rodgers and Joanna Connor, to name a few. For more information, visit slpl.bibliocommons.com.

Photo courtesy of Tom Shockey / Flickr

Stare at Photos of Old-Timey St. Louis

We all know what St. Louis looks like now: There are weird concrete balls and highlighter-colored bikes everywhere, and no one has any idea how to navigate their cars around any of ‘em. But what of the St. Louis of the past? The Missouri History Museum (5700 Lindell Boulevard, 314-746-4599) is here to help with Panoramas of the City, an installation featuring more than 50 panorama photos from the first half of the 20th century — some blown up to life-sized proportions. The installation runs through August 12, and will surely illuminate whatever obstacle bad drivers blamed for their mistakes in the ‘50s. The more things change, the more they stay the same.

Photo courtesy of Missouri History Museum

Catch Some Music at the Botan

The Missouri Botanical Garden (4344 Shaw Boulevard, 314-577-5100) is, no question, a place of idyllic beauty, but with prices ranging from $3 to $12 for admission, who can afford it? That equates to between one and three packs of Bronsons from Quiktrip — surely a more pressing use for that money. Luckily, the people behind the Botan (do we still call it “the Botan”?) know that you are hopelessly cheap, and they are here to help. Not only is the garden free to city and county residents before noon on Wednesdays and Saturdays, but the Whitaker Music Festival comes with free admission as well. This year, you can see St. Louis musicians including Gene Jackson, Lamar Harris, John Henry, the Funky Butt Brass Band perform, with concerts each Wednesday through July 25. You can even bring a picnic blanket. Smoke if you got ‘em — you can afford it now.

Photo courtesy of Matt Ridings / Flickr

Trap Some Hippies at the Sculpture Park

If there is one thing that hippies love, it’s drugs. But if there are two things that hippies love, it’s drugs and outdoor sculpture parks where you can wander around in public after taking drugs. Take advantage of this ancient wisdom by heading to Laumeier Sculpture Park (12580 Rott Road, 314-615-5278) to capture some hippies and make off with their goods. First, you’ll want to pick an empty pizza box out of the trash at your local Imo’s. Next, head to the wooded portion of the park, where its many trails pass by numerous impressive works of art. Set the box on the ground and build a snare trap. When some stoners come walking through, looking for a suitable place to get high — and they will — whoosh! Up into the sky they go, hanging upside-down by their feet, illicit substances raining to the ground below. Scoop up your haul and flee deep into the woods to consume them. Remember to be wary of any attractive boxes of food you may subsequently see sitting on the ground, though: Turnabout is fair play.

Photo courtesy of Micah Usher

Repent From Your Sins at the Cathedral Basilica

If you’ve been studiously following this guide’s recommendations, you’ve by now committed quite a few sins (not to mention crimes). It happens! And if you must atone, you might as well do so at one of the most breathtakingly beautiful churches in the world. The Cathedral Basilica (4431 Lindell Boulevard, 314-373-8200), finished in 1914, is home to the largest mosaic installation in the Western hemisphere, comprising 41.5 million pieces of glass. The Cathedral's basement even houses a museum dedicated to the various artifacts found within the building over the years — the church asks for a small donation to peruse that portion of the building, but you can probably get away with not paying if you’re just a little crafty. After all, you need to get back to sinning if you want to justify coming back here again anytime soon, right? Confession, by the way, is free.

Photo courtesy of kevinashphotography.com / Flickr